Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Have you ever been so tired, so wiped out, you felt like you couldn't even think anymore?

I am so there. I could cry from the frustration of it. Eyes burning, throat aching because you are holding it all in kind of cry. With every passing day, I feel like I am getting more and more tired and run down. I don't want to clean, I don't want to do laundry, I don't want to exercise, I don't want to teach, I don't want to cook....

The house hasn't been spotless in weeks. Which, of course, for a person that gets annoyed by mess, isn't a good thing. Mom came over last week and I was so proud of her... Her eyes didn't bug out of her head... She just said, "yep, it does look like a bomb went off in here," and didn't say a word when I replied, "I really don't care right now."

Laundry is a must. We can't go around naked for lack of clean clothes.

Exercise might not be essential.... I'm not sure. Somehow, without touching my elliptical I am maintaining 120.... but I can feel the difference!!! It doesn't take long to lose the "fit" shape when you don't stick with the routine.

Homeschooling the kids makes teaching pretty essential.... In the exhaustion, the patience has flown out the window. Even the little snipping at each other that most siblings will do drives me batty. There are moments I wonder if duct tape is illegal. It isn't nice anyway. Don't worry. I won't actually use duct tape on them. Every once in awhile I do just wonder... I'm pretty sure that duct tape advertises that it can hold anything together.... Even running mouths?????? Just a thought. Really.

Cooking is also extremely important... Maybe I could live on carrot sticks, bagged salad and apples, but I don't think the meat-and-potatoes hubby or the kids would really appreciate such things. J wants to eat by noon every day so when he leaves on his bicycle (what a good man, he is exercising WAY more than I am at this point!!) everything is well digested and doesn't threaten to come back up due to vigorous activity. But in order to have lunchsupperdinner on the table by noon, I have to get up long before that. "Sleep in and order a pizza," you say. Do you know what a pizza costs these days?? I could feed our family for two days for the same price as a pizza. Plus, since I am being so bare-my-soul, show-my-vulnerable-under-belly honest here, even if I did have the option to just sleep and sleep and not worry about waking up and taking care of anything or anyone, I CAN'T. Hours before I am ready to wake up and face the world, my brain turns back on with a sudden flip of a switch... Or mayabe in never shuts off... Thousands of thoughts race through my head... What I need to do, what I haven't done, what I should do, will this work out? Will that person be ok? Should I put my two cents in over here? Was that "two cents" too much? Am I doing this right? Did I screw that up completely? Now there has been a fatality where J works and so I have that much MORE swimming in my head.... How much will come down on him because he is party of the "safety commity"? How are they even handling walking back into the building?? When will the funeral and calling hours be? Will we be in town for them? And most of all, one I never gave TOO much thought to before, is he safe there??.... DEAR GOD, keep J safe at work today. PLEASE.

I am just SO TIRED. Every day I get myself out of bed and run through a little list in my head of all the things I would like to accomplish today.... And by the time I get down the hall and into the dining room, my ambition and motivation for any of it is gone. I'd love to throw everyone a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and go lock myself back in my room. But then I think I would be a shoe-in for bad-mom-and-wife-of-the-year award. Rest. I need rest, I think. Sleep I get every night. Probably not as much as I should, but I do sleep. I don't think I've been able to REST, though, in a while. And the conclusion I am coming to? Without that rest, I will eventually crash and crash hard, and that crash seems closer and closer with each passing day.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Meet Drumstick

Yes, I said "Drumstick."

Yes, Drumstick is a CHICKEN.

Yes, I see the irony. The kids named her. Rumor has it that the ugliest/smallest chickens are usually the best layers. Here's hoping.....

Drumstick feels she is a member of the family. Perhaps after the kids named her, she realized the connotations of her name and decided she better integrate herself into our family a little more. I'll give you an example....

Thursday the kids were outside at the picnic table doing school. Drumstick hopped up on the bench next to T and watched for a couple minutes.

She then proceed to get in T's lap and "read" with her.

She wandered away for a couple minutes only to return to T and watch her put her hair up.

After spending a few more minutes with T, she wandered a couple feet over on the bench and perched next to JT and observed his "math class".

Drumstick loves all four of us and has no qualms about parking next to the dog, either. She is more than happy to follow us around, weaving in and around our legs, and is even happier to be CARRIED around.

Dear God, PLEASE don't let this chicken be a rooster in disguise and PLEASE make her the best layer we have. I don't think I would have the heart to eat her. Amen.

Friday, August 22, 2008

And God said...

... let there be DIRT!

And a big hole to fit a house in. Hurray!!

Isn't it pretty?

We started with a hill, took a bulldozer, and removed a big chunk of hill.

Then we realized that not enough hill had been removed to fit a house - our bulldozer friend had to come back. So hurray for the new hole in the hill!! Lots of dirt to move now...

The kids said the piles made great play-things.

Too bad, so sad, the piles need to go. I think I'd rather have the house....

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

To my birthday girl:

Well, T, another year has come and gone. I still clearly remember all the emotions I felt when we found out I was pregnant with you... Relief in knowing WHY I was eating french fries and cottage cheese and honestly thinking it was good; shock because my DOCTOR told me I wasn't pregnant... Shouldn't they know?? Panic, wondering what on earth I would do with two babies at once... Thank God your brother grew up some in those nine months. :) Fear, not know why your brother had been born so early and not knowing if I would go through the same thing with you... Would you make it?? But, T, stronger than any of those emotions was excitement and hope. I prayed every day for you, that you would be a happy, healthy, FULL TERM little GIRL.

The minute we laid eyes on you, daddy and I fell in love with you. You were so sweet and tiny, and most definitely mommy's girl!!! Now you are eight years old and you are daddy's little girl too. I wonder, when you are grown and out on your own, will you still consider yourself "daddy's little girl" like I do with my dad? Will you still love to spend time with mommy? Will your hair still go down to your pants? These are some of the questions I have had running through my head today. I watched you on your motorcycle in your new pink and black riding outfit, looking so girly, yet so confident on what some would consider a "boy's toy"... I was so proud of you!!! T, you are growing up into a fine young lady, and I love you and am so proud of you. Your smile lights up a room, and you can be a clown and a card with the best of them, but what I love most is your soft heart, your love for Jesus, and your joy in worshiping Him. We love you, Princess.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Great Start

Well, we are "two" days into our second week of school. Yes, I know it is Monday. The first day of the work/school week. Yes, I still say we have made it through our second day of our second week of school. Successfully, too, I might add. Do I have trouble counting? No, I don't. But thanks for asking....

We live life on second shift. Which means we go to bed late. Like, wee hours of the morning, late. So do the kids... Well, not TOO "wee", but midnight is late enough for a ten and almost eight year old. We all sleep in. Then we get up, have lunchsupperdinner together as a family, and ship daddy off to work. Now we have two options: Start our school day then and there, or let the kids have a social life and play with their neighbor cousins. For some reason, the kids like the social life. Can't figure it out. So, we made a deal. Our school.... night.... starts at six o'clock. On. The. Dot. Except for today when poop hit the fan and chaos seemed to reign. But that is another story for another day. :)

I told little person #1 and little person #2 that I had no problem doing school in the evenings on ONE CONDITION. No matter how silly it seemed since our school schedule is, at least for now, permanently at a 6:00 pm start time, we MUST have that day's work done BEFORE we play. It is the principle of the matter. Work before play. Good ethics. So, while today was Monday, we technically did Tuesday's work.... And let me tell you, the littles are doing GREAT. Mommy is doing great...

...And mommy is totally ready to curl up on the couch with a hot cup of coffee, a fresh chocolate chip cookie and a fluff book. My brain is done.