Disappointments and Addictions

Yes, I have been absent. For a very long time. I know. I do apologize, but will not start dishing out lame excuses. I just have been absent from this little blogging world. So absent, in fact, that Batman suggested the other day that perhaps I should just shut this page down. Oh no!! He is certain that no one reads this. I pointed out that we do still have seven followers. Whether said followers read, well, I can't attest to that, but, they are followers nonetheless. So, the page will remain. Fear not, you seven!!

Because of the ridiculously long absence from blog world, I feel like I don't know where to start. Oh, I have had PLENTY that I could have written... Thoughts, lessons, happenings... But I just... haven't. Plus, I'll admit, the world of Facebook makes it SO EASY to pop a quick thought in my status, and then move on. Not much time or thought or effort required.

Rather than trying to play catch up here, I'd rather just deal with my thoughts for today. Lately I have been dealing/struggling/whatever with my expectations and the many disappointments that we face in life. A person disappointing, or things not turning out the way it was expected, or things not happening fast enough, or at all. I realized, I have allowed disappointment to become an excuse for closing myself off from the things around me. I've allowed disappointment to steal joy. Uh oh. It's not about whether or not I am happy today, or the sun is shining, or things are all falling into place... Because, let's face it, there are days that are NOT happy, are NOT sunny, and things just don't seem to fall into place... according to OUR expectations. (Ok, maybe that should read "MY" instead, but I know there has to be at least one of you that gets that....) So why let it steal my JOY? Hmm... I think my answer is found in this devotional from earlier this month. The moment I read the first sentence, I laughed... and I cried....

ADDICTED

My kind relatives gave me a coffee maker for Christmas {my mother- and father-in-law REALLY did this year!! The first phrase had my attention!}, which is in one sense like giving a heroin addict a syringe and in another like giving a Christian a devotional book and saying, "Here, I know you're going to need this." (Hold on, cowboys: I don't use metaphors lightly.) {Second sentence, equally hooked... I could SO RELATE!!} My family knows I'm addicted to caffeine, which is clear when I go without it it for even one morning. I feel foggy and crabby and get a headache by mid-afternoon. If I'm traveling someplace where coffee isn't on hand for breakfast, it's something of a crisis until I find a drive-through Starbucks or whatever - and then of course there's always a long line of irritated junkies just like me. Sad, really. {I read this to Batman, and told him, "Hey, at least I'm not THAT bad!" He just looked at me. Maybe I am.}

The funny thing about it is I hated coffee for a long time and couldn't understand why people drank the stuff. {Yep, the writer is still referring to ME. I just KNOW it.} It's the kind of thing you have to develop a taste for. It doesn't come naturally, but then when it's finally part of your routine, you'll move mountains to get your hands on it. {Yup!!}

Kind of like spiritual life, when you think about it. We know it's important to spend time every day reading the Bible and praying, but it's not the kind of thing that comes easily to us at first. We have to develop a taste for it. But once we get in the habit of it, life feels out of sorts if we go without it for any length of time. We can't think straight. We feel crabby and start growling at the people we love. Then, when it finally occurs to us what the problem is, we wonder, How could such a tiny ritual be so important? And yet it is. We're not really content again until we've spent some time each day nurturing our spirits with the revitalizing presence of God.

What would happen if I got as addicted to God as I am to coffee? How can I move heaven and earth to carve out time for Him every day?

                                                                                       Psalm 63:1-5

~ The One Year Daily Grind by Sarah Arthur

Um, OUCH? Wonder if that might have something to do with that joy problem. Maybe if I was so addicted to God, disappointment of any sort wouldn't really matter. Because, disappointment IS a guarantee. People WILL let you down. Things will not always work out as planned. But God will never ever ever disappoint. No matter what. I think that is something I need to seal in my heart again.

November 9, 1996

For most, it is just another normal day. For others, it is a day to rejoice in the birth of a new little one. Others yet may remember this day with sadness... perhaps someone was lost. For this girl, however, November 9, 1996 is a day of wonder and surprise and love.

*** CAUTION: Mush ahead. Proceed at your own risk. ***

You see, nine months earlier, I realized something... I was in love with my best friend. Trust me, I tried talking myself out of it... Problem number one, I had decided that I was done with guys... they were all jerks, they would only hurt you... Problem number two, he was five years older than me, and at a couple weeks shy of 17, that is a pretty big age gap. However, there was no talking myself out of it... I KNEW that someday, I would marry him.

On Saturday morning, Batman came to pick me up... We had plans to go hiking. After saying goodbye to my parents, we drove to G------ and parked at the trailhead. We walked down the trail into the gorge to the foot of a beautiful waterfall. There, he sat me down and proceeded to hike BACK up to the car. Someone "forgot the camera." Whether he ever actually brought down the camera, I don't know... I absolutely cannot remember. When he did return, he knelt in front of me, and held out a little black box. I remember thinking, "what on earth is he DOING?!?!" He opened the box, looked me in the eye, and asked, "E, will you be my princess forever?"

* Quick side note for anyone wondering why on earth I would think I am a princess... Read that question again. I'll wait. Ready? Good. Moving on.*

It took a moment for all of it to sink in. My initial split second thought was, "this must be fake, he's teasing me, this is just practice.....," but then reality set in... As much as reality can set in at that moment, anyhow. With tear filled eyes, I told him yes, with all my heart, I'd marry him.

That was fourteen years ago today. We've had our good times and our struggles, our sunny days and our dark nights. One thing that is certain: Batman, I love you with all my heart and I'd marry you all over again. Thanks for being a good man, a good husband and my best friend.

Breaking the Silence

You might be wondering where on earth we have been, and even perhaps if we fell off completely. Fear not, we didn't. I've been right here all along, just feeling rather busy. I definitely have the post on what God has been teaching us all ready and written, but Batman said that it really would be better if our "story" was posted first... Then what God has been speaking would be more pertinent... Since this post hasn't been written and ready, I have to admit, I've been avoiding it. Well, no longer! Here I sit, in the quiet, worship music in the background, gathering my thoughts so you can be brought up to date.

It all started on a Friday evening... Friday, April 9, to be exact.... It went something like this:

Bruce - "Hey, there is a racetrack about an hour away from here. They have practice runs all day tomorrow. We should take the boys and see how they do."

Batman - "Yeah, why not? I'll go home and let the wife know and meet up with you in the morning to head up there."

Bruce - "Sweet. See you latta."

Batman (upon returning home, to me) - "Hey, Chub and I are going to take the Boy and the BFF racing tomorrow."

Me - "Oh, ok. How long will you be gone?"

Batman - "I dunno, probably all day."

Me - "That's fine. The Girl and I will be going with you. I refuse to sit home alone every weekend. I know this is just to check it out, but I know where it's going, and we are a family, so we go as a family."

Batman - "Ok, you can go. I'd rather have you with me anyway."

The next morning, we got up and while I gathered everything together at home, Batman ran downtown to do some errands. When he came home, he informed me that the Boy and the BFF had a sponsor. Wait, what?? They haven't even started yet! Cool, God!!! :D We finished packing up and away we went. The boys had a blast and decided that, yes, they did in fact want to start racing officially. We left Silver Springs and returned home, fell into bed, and awoke V.E.R.Y. E.A.R.L.Y. the next morning to return to Silver Springs by 7:00... AM... Ack!! We looked around at all the campers and decided that staying overnight in a camper really was the way to go... But we didn't have a camper.

That afternoon the brother was at the track watching the Boy race, and commented that we should get a camper. My response was along the lines of not being able to buy one, someone would have to have to give me one. Hear that, God? The next evening, I called him to tell him that in the morning I would be picking up my camper... that had been given to us. Hmmm.... Reason number 7,098,234,987,987,001 why I know God hears my every thought and word.

Batman has wanted to race all of his life, but his parents didn't have the money to put him in it. Since the Boy was an official racer, Batman was REALLY feeling the itch. He hopped on craigslist and found a motorcycle to race... The kid selling it was willing to trade it for a car. Batman had a car that he didn't need or use anymore... Hmmm..... They were in contact with each other and set up a time to meet. He loved the bike and the kid loved the car. Away we went with the bike in the back and we signed Batman up the following weekend.

In order to race, you need riding boots and jersey and pants and chest protector. A friend of ours handed Batman a jersey and pant set. (WHAT?!?!) We found boots and a chest protector for great prices (at first he was borrowing his cousin's). Our whole racing adventure has been a series of things just like that... Sometimes a very big deal to us, and other times something small yet still very tangible. Throughout this journey, we have prayed for God's guidance, direction, and protection, for Him to continue to open the doors if this was the right direction, and to shut it right down if it wasn't. It's good to know when you are on the right track. :)

Climbing on top of the pile of straw

When one straw falls on you, it is no big deal, but what about when the next one falls, and the next, and the next? Eventually, you can find yourself buried under a pile of straw. One piece is lightweight and small - no big deal, but if you don't brush off and essentially conquer that one piece as it falls, you have the possibility of being buried under it all. Once your are under the pile rather than on top of it, getting back on top can feel like such an insurmountable task. I know. I feel it all too often.

Thankfully, in this great big blog world, encouragement and helpful tools can be found. One blog-buddy has encouraged me and given me helpful tips and ideas, and kept me entertained as well with her own stories of KCF - otherwise known as Kitchen Combat Fatigue. Problem number one - I D.E.F.I.N.I.T.E.L.Y. had KCF. No doubt about it. I firmly believe that you don't have to be an expecting mom to get it. Not even a homeschooling mom. Hey, you probably don't even need to be a mom, or even a homemaker, or married to get Kitchen Combat Fatigue. I imagine that ANYONE that actually COOKS in their kitchen can easily get it. But enough about the requirements. I was worn out, frustrated and downright discouraged in my kitchen. I am not naive enough to think that as soon as our kitchen remodel project is finished, those frustrating feelings will magically disappear. I needed to reevaluate and reassess the goings-on in my kitchen.

Problem number two: I have such a hard time with jobs that you do once (yes, this is an issue in the kitchen as well, but for this part, we are covering the rest of the house), and then no later than the end of the day, you have to do the same job over! Solution one? Buy disposable clothes, and locate a self cleaning bathroom and a robot vacuum cleaner. Back to the real world, though. I am a person of FANTASTIC intentions and plans. Oh yes. I can make a list for anything, make a schedule and hang up a chart for anything, but if I am not remaining on TOP of the little pieces of straw, those lists, schedules and charts do me no good at all. I also have a very difficult time thinking OUTSIDE the box. I think that is why my schedules and plans and charts ALWAYS look the same and ALWAYS end up failing me. Or maybe I am failing them. I am great at the start, but then I falter. Hmm... What is that verse about running the race with perseverance? Yeah...

Spring cleaning "season" has helped me dig out from under the pile, but the last thing I want is Fall to roll around (or worse yet, next Spring) and some of those jobs that are done rarely are back on the list of things that REALLY need to get done, but I am frustrated because they R.E.A.L.L.Y. needed to get done a long time ago. I'd rather just stay consistent with all of it, but is cleaning my ENTIRE living room from the ceiling to the floor and EVERYTHING in-between every Monday really feasible? Not if I intend to cook, do dishes and laundry, and attend to school needs that day as well, it isn't. And I KNOW this, but really, I would LOVE to have my living room - and the dining room - be cleaned that way every single Monday. Then the bathroom on Tuesday, the kitchen on Wednesdays, bedrooms on Thursdays and the bathroom again on Friday. That isn't too much to require of myself, is it? Maybe not if it was a quick dust job, run the vacuum, and make sure everything is straightened, but, I tend to be an all or nothing person. We are either going 100mph or standing still - which is also something I need to work on - slow and steady wins that race. Because I can't keep up that schedule on my terms, I started looking around for not only encouragement because I was honestly feeling like such a failure as a wife and mom, but I needed ideas on how to fix it as well. One day I was visiting Sarah's page and came across her post on how she keeps a clean house. I followed the link she provided and went ahead and grabbed my very own Motivated Moms schedule. (See, I told you I'm a sucker for schedules.) Why did I grab yet ANOTHER schedule? Thinking Outside The Box, people out of the box. See, I can Spring Clean and organize and perfect like nobody's business, but keeping it all together and not getting discouraged or worn out with the day to day maintaining is where I lose it. This new perspective was part of what I needed. (You mean to tell me I don't have to clean the entire room that day? Really??)

The last problem? I'll admit it. Lack of sunshine. This girl desperately needs the sun, and by the time winter is winding down, a few good days of sunny, warm brightness do wonders for my winter blues funk.

So, here I am, on top of my pile of straw. I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, and with the help of The Son, I will "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let (me) run with perseverance the race marked out for (me)." ~ Hebrews 12:1

Adventures with The Boy

Have I ever said life was dull? No? Didn't think so. Over the last week, the weather has been so accommodating, so The Boy has been able to take his motorcycle out and about. After returning home from a very nice afternoon spent with Grandma and Grandpa, the Aunt, Uncle and cousins and the other Uncles, The Boy got together with his counterpart to go riding. After all, racing season will be upon us soon (next month?!?) and the boys need to practice up.

Around and around they went, engines roaring. First one boy was in front, then the other, then back again. The Boy's best bud went through, then the best bud's cousin. We all looked back up the hill and waited. No Boy. I glanced toward the back of the hill where The Boy should have come down and then around and saw a red clad arm pop up. "He's down!" I cried to Batman. Immediately all the momma-bear instinct in me rose up, while the level head in Daddy instructed me to stay put. He was going for him. See, Daddy knows me all too well. He is completely aware of the fact that I am a competent EMT, but he also knows full well that when it comes to the littles, "Mommy" comes first, and there would be no such thing as a level head. I remained down at the house with our friend, staring up at the hill. M smiled and told me it was ok, Daddy and the Best Bud's daddy were up there. I quickly responded that was great, but it was completely against my nature to stay away. That's my baby up there! The Girl then piped up and informed me that The Boy isn't exactly a baby. Ah, to explain again that no matter how old they are, they will always be my babies and I will always love them and want to protect and shield them and make everything all right. She'll get it someday. :)

When the entourage made it's way down to the house, I pounced. I knew that Daddy had undoubtedly checked every single finger and toe and everything in between, but now it was my turn. After ensuring that nothing was broken, I pulled out the light and checked his eyes. Two beautiful brown eyes. Check. Pupils reacting and equal. Check. We said goodbye to the guys and took The Boy inside and deposited him on the couch.

Suddenly, he began repeating the same phrase OVER and OVER and OVER. We would tell him that he just told us that - ten times - and his response was, "oh, that is probably a problem." Pause. "I had a dream. It was all a dream." *deep breath in. and out.* Boy, you told us that. Ten seconds ago. "I did? I don't remember." Pause. "I had a dream..." Ack! To the car. We knew he had a concussion, but with the repetition, we weren't going to play around. Down to the ER we went. Again.

By the time we got down there, The Boy's head seemed to be on straight again, but getting checked out was still a good idea. Dr. R was on - the same one The Boy saw for his lip, so of course, he was immediately harassed. We promised that this time his helmet had been On. His. Head. The Boy was handed one of those very attractive dresses hospital gowns to wear for the duration. He was checked head to toe again and thumbs up were given. He looked fantastic and was sounding like himself again, but it was one of those "better safe than sorry deals." Afterbreaking his helmet, not remembering a good half-an-hour to forty-five minutes long chunk of time and repeating himself, a scan was definitely in order, so, we sat back to wait for the CAT scan tech.



While we waited, we finally got to the bottom of "the dream." It seems that a month ago or so, The Boy dreamt that he and the Best Bud were out riding and he wrecked and hurt his head. He said that right before he went up the hill, he remembered the dream, but thought that was a funny thing to remember - everything was fine. Hmm... Didn't we JUST talk about this in church that very day? Why, yes, we did! It's all about learning to listen (and follow) that still small voice. We told him that if something like that ever happened again, by all means, LISTEN! That was God speaking into his ear and warning him.

The tech came in and took The Boy away, and we waited. He was brought back after what felt like hours in short order. We were given two thumbs up once again, signed the release papers, and made our way home.

The results of the CAT scan?

Kitty says he's just fine. Incidentally, so do the doctors.

We kept him up until after two in the morning (not supposed to let them sleep for a few/several hours with a concussion), so this morning he is understandably tired.

Other than that, he is no worse for the wear and is ready to jump back on the bike. 'Atta boy. I guess. Helmet? Check. Riding boots? Check. Every.Single.Other. piece of riding equipment? Check. I know one mommy that is quite grateful for the hand of God and for helmets, chest protectors, neck braces, riding gloves, pants and boots. And for a level headed and caring daddy. And for the protecting hand of God. I mentioned that one already? Sorry, I figured it was worth mentioning again. :)

The Boy's bike comes home

The Boy L.O.V.E.S. riding. Really, really loves it. He even dreams of racing someday. Mommy will be hiding her eyes supporting him the entire way. Both the Boy and the Girl very gratefully received new dirt bikes two years ago. The Girl is happily keeping hers for one more summer, but the time had come for the Boy to get an upgrade.

So, Mommy and Daddy packed up in the truck and made the trek to PA. Not, mind you, right over the border, PA, but deep into the underbelly of the backwoods, PA. Like, backwoods of Tennessee, underbelly of the backwoods. All of the houses that we saw were either in gated "communities" or had bleached out skulls over the doors. Literally. Upon seeing these... houses.... I realized that we had no cell phone coverage. At. All. It was a tiny bit nerve racking.

We finally made it to the house where we would be purchasing the Boy's new motorcycle, and I was pleasantly surprised and relieved! The owner was not at all like Michael Meyers after all!! *whew* He was, in fact, very kind and refined and definitely knew his motorcycle stuff. As an added bonus, there was not a single skull hanging anywhere on his house. Batman and the homeowner talked motorcycles and racing and motorcycles and racing and more motorcycles for a long time, then we loaded up the Boy's new ride in the back of the truck and headed out. On the way home, I realized we were in the Poconos.

*Note to self: DO. NOT, I repeat DO. NOT! EVER, under any circumstance, hop online and find a "nice cozy get-a-way" with one of those champagne glass hot tubs and heart shaped bed and tell yourself that it would be nice to rent it and go hide away with the hubby. DON'T DO IT.*

Hey, maybe those places really are a nice, romantic get-a-way, but my first impression of the Poconos wasn't fabulous, so I'd really rather just not go back. I'm just sayin'....

Back on the road, we started looking for gas stations with good prices and a snack. Spotting decent prices, we pulled in, filled up, and grabbed a picture or two of the bike so the Boy could enjoy it's journey home. Then, gas in the tank and snacks and coffee in hand, we were underway, headed home!

It was dark when we pulled in, but it didn't stop the Boy from flying out the door, up into the truck bed, and onto his motorcycle. Could you hear his delighted squeals at your house?? In the morning, the bike was brought in to warm up next to the wood stove (no, I am not kidding), where Crumb-Crumb checked it out, ensured that it was a Suzuki, and gave his approval.  It was then taken back out, started up, and the boys gave it a spin. Approval ratings? Quite high. Mommy went out in the cold to watch him climb on, but quickly retreated to the house so I didn't have to watch remembered a few very important things that I had to do to get ready for our guests that would be arriving later that evening.

The bike is now home, the Boy has new boots and a chest protector to keep him safe (just so you know, that was Daddy's idea) and the special oil to mix with his gas has been ordered. All we need now is a warm day.

What is that sound?

A few days ago, I was driving down the road with The Girl and The Baby. I had errands to run and couldn't very well leave The Baby at home, so he had to tag along. For the sake of a quick trip, The Girl joined us so she could sit in the van and occupy The Baby while I ran into the bank. As I drove, I heard the sweetest little baby belly laugh. Every parent and big sister or brother or aunt or uncle out there knows the one. That darling, infectious, innocent laugh. All The Girl was doing was playing peek-a-boo with The Baby, but he loved it, and giggled with pleasure.

Today while visiting my parents, we were all in the kitchen talking about a kitchen.... mishap... and the laughter started. Something silly and random was said, and the three of us just laughed and laughed.

This laughter prompted a thought: How much laughter is in your home? Is laughter a normal sound or is it foreign to your ears? I realized how important laughter is and how, sometimes, we might take it for granted. Laugh a little today, even at the simplest and smallest things. While you laugh, remember the Source of our joy. Even in the midst of a tough day, we have that joy and laughter.  Remember, the joy of the Lord is our strength.

Psalm 126:1-3

A song of ascents.

When the LORD brought back the captives to [a] Zion,
we were like men who dreamed. [b]
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.


Job 8:20-22 (New International Version)

"Surely God does not reject a blameless man
or strengthen the hands of evildoers.
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter
and your lips with shouts of joy.
Your enemies will be clothed in shame,
and the tents of the wicked will be no more."

Window With a View

Being part of a homeschooling family allows me a view into my children that unfortunately, many parents don't have. Or, at least, they don't have as much of that particular view.

Today awarded a glimpse of a variety of facets of both of the kids.

Glimpse one:

My kids get ambitious when it is a bright, cheerful day outside. Today's example, The Boy decided he wanted to rearrange his room... I mean REALLY rearrange... as in, move his bunk beds, empty the entire room, clean top to bottom and put everything back in completely different places - rearrange. So, being the opportunity grabbing mom that I am, I said, "sure! But you need to get daddy's tape measure and measure everything first, then plan out where you are going to put it!" Math class? You better believe it!

Glimpse two:

The Boy gets just as frustrated when he is moving heavy furniture as mommy does. Instinct was to jump up and help them, but I held back, remembering that, as they get older, they have to learn to do things by themselves. I waited patiently for them to come tearing into the living room and ask for assistance from mommy's muscles. The request never came. I think they are growing up.

Glimpse three:

The Girl is a planner and a list maker (not unlike mommy at all). Not only did she draw detailed plans for The Boy's new arrangements, but later she began making plans for summer vacation (already?!?). Next thing I knew, she was presenting me with a list of her plans:

1. Go camping with Bud.
2. Go swimming with Bud.
3. Ride dirt bikes with Bud.
4. Climb trees with Bud.
5. Go jumping on the trampoline with Bud.
6. Play army with Bud.
7. Have squirt gun fights with Bud.
8. Go to the woods with Bud.
9. Go to the gravel pit with Bud.
10. Water slide with Bud.

I noticed a couple things in this list. One, she plans on spending a lot of time outdoors. Hurray. Two, she seems to adore her brother. Double yay! Even better, The Boy approved of said list.

So Tired

This week we have been on a full fledged "days" schedule, rather than me being on a days into nights schedule, while the rest of the family is on a nights schedule. Batman has been on days this week, so we've all been up early... I've even been up early enough to get my workouts in BEFORE the baby shows up! Now THAT is impressive.

BUT, sad to say, this new schedule has definitely taken it's toll. For instance, one morning The Girl groggily got up, grabbed her book for reading, and went to the recliner. A few minutes later, I rounded the corner to find her diligently reading sleeping.




Getting up at seven in the morning is rather tiring for a little girl.

See You Later

No one is ever ready to say goodbye, I don't think, especially when it wasn't a planned goodbye.  I am still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that "goodbye" needed to be said at all. 

How do you say goodbye to a friend that would motivate you, straighten you out, push you, and tell it to you like it really is?  How do you say goodbye to a friend that fought for you, prayed for you, stormed Heaven's gates for you?  How do you say goodbye to a friend that held your husband accountable and who was held accountable by your husband?  I don't know... I haven't really figured it out yet.

Jim, you were an amazing person.  You were a true warrior for God.  When you set your sights on something, you ran for it, no matter what.  You always called at just the right time, with a word of encouragement or, shall we say, motivation.  You believed with us for what many would say is impossible, and you prayed daily for it, and for us.  Yesterday, someone said that everything you did and were about was over the top.  It was so true!  Your personality and presence would fill a room as soon as you walked in.  You motivated to the fullest, encouraged to the fullest, pushed to the fullest, and you definitely would never take any crap.  You'd call us up and ask if we've been doing what we are supposed to be doing - whether spiritual or physical - and just as soon as the "uh..." would come out of my mouth, your response was "don't even give me any of that!  I already know the answer already!  Get on the ball!"  I've already found myself jumping off the elliptical in a tired, panting mess, thinking, "wait til I tell Jim I actually got back on it!"  Then I remembered I can't.

If anything, your death has caused us to step it up a little, to be more serious about doing what we are supposed to, what we are called to, what is good for us, what is right, because, as this week has proved, you just never know... So, Jim, thank you for the mark that you left on my family's life.  None of us will ever be the same.  We will push a little harder, fight for what is right with a little more passion, storm Heaven's gates a little more faithfully.  I won't say goodbye, but "see you later" instead.

The Desert

There are moments, days, weeks, maybe that feel like a barren desert. There are times when it seems like every single thing is crashing down around, that everything is against you. Then there are times high on the mountain top, when everything can be seen clearly. No matter what time, what season, what situation, I still cling to the knowledge and the hope that He is still God. Always in control. Holding me in the pain, carrying me through the hard times, and laughing with me through the good times.

Desert Song
(Hillsong United)

 

This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow

Today I declare that I WILL bring praise. I WILL rejoice. God is still God and I will always have a reason to sing and to worship.

The Reason

There is less than two weeks left until Christmas, and I look at my list of things that I still need to get done and sigh.

♦ Cookies:

◊ Grandma’s press cookies
◊ Chocolate peppermint cookies
◊ Peanut butter blossoms (We ate all the ones that mom sent home on Friday. Yes, we’re lushes sometimes. Yes, they were very tasty.)
◊ ANOTHER batch of Mrs. O’s sugar cookies. VERY important

♦ Make cookie trays from said cookies + the cookies that we already did on Friday (the ones that actually lasted the weekend around here…)
♦ Deliver said cookie trays to K&K, Carquest, H-city fire department (for all their help – technically it’s from us, but it is F-town Fire Department’s “thank you”)
♦ Christmas cards
♦ Pick up and wrap remaining presents from mom’s house
♦ Put together gifts for Batman’s family
♦ Learn song to do with the brothers for the Christmas program on Sunday
♦ Get ahold of the brother with the idea to find out what song it is – again. (Ahem, Z, if you’re reading… I, uh, needtoberemindedofwhatsongwearedoing. I am pretty sure that text message has been erased. Oops.)

Then I take a breath and remember something that Aunt Pat posted on Rachel's page the other day: (in a nutshell) It isn't about the project, it is about the relationship.

It isn't about all of those things that I "need" to get done. It is about the relationships that I build in the meantime. And most of all, it is about our Savior. Not the cookies, not the presents, not even the snow. This is a time to reflect on Him, and thank Him for the ultimate gift: His Son, and therefore, Life.

My Bubble

I LOVE Christmas shopping online. Period. I think that there is no other way to do it. Case and point: I was at Kmart (simply because Walmart does not do layaway anymore, and sometimes you just need layaway to store your stuff so it isn't hidden in the pantry for little people to find) today to pay part of our layaway. I was blissfully ALONE (aside from the littles - I let them tag along this time) in the layaway section, and suddenly, a hoard of people swarmed in. I almost tweaked. One woman came up and positioned herself and her cart next to me - not behind me in line - NEXT TO ME. She was getting very close to my bubble. Then, another woman came along side me on the other side, hovered over my purse (definitely INSIDE my bubble at this point) and asked if Kmart "does" layaway. Uh, yes. They do. By now, "having a tweak" as The Girl would say, was imminent. Not IF, but WHEN. One more woman nearly tipped the scales. The layaway-wonderer moved on, and another woman took her place. I caught sight of a dazzling, ear-to-ear smile out of the corner of my eye, drew a breath and turned my head to see who was inside my bubble this time. The tension eased out of my body and I let out a laugh as I saw the source of the dazzling smile was one of my friends from church. We left layaway together talking about the merits of online shopping. Less people. Hurray!

In keeping with the desire to remain thankful in all things, I'm quite thankful for miss L today. She was a breath of fresh air in the crazy mass of bodies Christmas shopping. I am also quite thankful for online shopping. :)

Merry Almost-Christmas and Happy Shopping, everyone!

Happy Fall!!

The kids had TONS of fun at this years Fall Fun Night. Making it just that much more special was the fact that the cousins are home and got to join in the fun. Thanks, Aunt E!!! :)



Clockwise from the top: Monkey played with marshmallow-toothpick sculptures and tried making some of his own; Aunt E and Tonka looking very spiffy; The Boy and his best bud creating hairdos; The Girl and Tonka creating marshmallow-toothpick sculptures; The Boy posing after a "round" of golf; three little buds showing of their face paints; The Girl and Tonka getting ready for a game; The girl getting her second face paint; the kids with Pastor M, all of them thrilled with their faces; a rousing game of hot potato; The Boy having his turn with the face painter; the boys post hair sculpting.

The Boy's First...

Way back in September (I know, terrible updating), The Boy had what he said was "thebestnightof(my)lifeEVER!!!!!!" What did he get to do? He went to his very first rock concert with mommy and Uncle D. And he LOVED IT. That is what he said, anyway. I really couldn't tell how he would feel between the squealing, screaming and jumping all around the house when I told him that I was taking him to see his absolute favorite band LIVE. It is entirely possible that he did not sleep at all the night before.



He loved the music, was awestruck to see (and MEET) Kutless in person (mommy and Uncle D reminded him that they are people too and put their pants on just like we do in the morning), and tuckered himself out with all the jumping, dancing, screaming, singing, and... worshiping! I have to admit, while is was neat to meet them, my favorite part was watching my son get absolutely lost in worship to his heavenly Father. He didn't care who was looking. At that point, he didn't even seem to care that he was fifteen feet away from Kutless themselves. It was him and God. Witnessing that was definitely my highlight. Coming in second, though, was the absolute joy on his face while he got a chance to meet the guys face to face and actually chat with a couple of them for a couple minutes. Daddy's question to The Boy when we got home? "Did you tell them you play the drums, too?" He giggled (yes, boys do giggle) and told daddy that he was so nervous meeting them that he didn't even remember that daddy was teaching him to play.

The Hazards of Dirt Bike Riding

The Boy and The Girl went out to ride their dirt bikes the other day in the gravel pit located behind and up the hill from our house. Shortly after they left, I heard the sound of ONE motorcycle returning, and then The Boy burst in the door.

"MOM! MOM! PLEASE! I NEED YOUR CAMERA!" he shouted.

"Uh, Bud, where's your sister?"

"MOM! Seriously, please! I need it right away! I'll only have it for a minute!"

"Bud, your sister...."

"Mom! There'safoxnexttohisdeninthegravelpitandhe'sjustsittingtherelookingatusandIwanttotakeapictureofitpleasemayIuseyourcamerareallyreallyquickplease!"

Yes, it all came out that fast. "Boy! Where. Is. Your. Sister."

"She's still riding around in the gravel pit, keeping an eye on the fox! And, MOM! I got really really really close to it, close enough to touch, and it didn't run away!!"

Fantastic. Just what a protective mother wants to hear. I haven't been so "countryfied" that the thought of wild animals near my children does not send my heart into freaked-out spasms. Despite the heart palpitations , I took a deep breath and handed the camera to my dear son, with strict instructions to NOT WRECK while in possession of mommy's beloved camera. With a quick "I promise" and a blur of not-so-little feet, he was off, motor racing to get back to the fox before it no longer felt like being an object of intense scrutiny from "little" people.

Several tense minutes later, the sound of two motorcycles made it's way to my ears, and I breathed a sigh of relief. They could not drive their motorcycles down the hill very well if they were maimed. Right? The Boy came rushing in to show me the pictures, and as he looked at them with me, he commented, "well, that stinks! I was a whole lot closer to him than the picture shows!"

Thanks, Bud, I appreciate that piece of information. Have you ever heard of "TMI"? Trust me, this qualifies.

The Speed Wobble

It was a beautiful day when we were driving down the Gulf Coast in Mississippi. I looked ahead and saw my husband on his motorcycle, his front tire wobbling. Shaking my head and rolling my eyes, I muttered something about him messing around. Later, when we arrived at our destination, he mentioned how he momentarily panicked when his bike went into what is commonly called a "speed wobble" after he brought it down out of a wheelie and he was unable to stop it. He replayed how he had stiffened up and fought to control his motorcycle, knowing he was headed for a certain crash. Striving to regain control, something filtered through his brain and he heard it: "Just relax." Relax?!?! Seriously?! But he remembered hearing about the natural reaction to fight the wobble and try to bring the motorcycle under control, but the RIGHT reaction is to just relax, and the bike would correct itself. So he fought his nature and did just that. He let go of the handlebars and just completely relaxed his body, relinquishing even the remotest possibility of control over his motorcycle. Amazingly, the front wheel straightened and the bike was back on the "straight and narrow course" that he was previously driving.

This memory has been cycling through my mind lately. The sparkling water on the right, the broken and battered buildings and vegetation on the left. My husband fighting to remain in control in front of me. His words recounting how he let go, no longer trying to control his course....

Can you tell where I am going with this?

It amazes me that God remains so patient with us, tapping our shoulder, nudging us and reminding us of the right way.... Oh, how long it takes me to get it sometimes! I've been remembering Batman's story of learning to let go in the physical while God has been teaching us and reminding us and prompting us to let go in the spiritual. How many times do we fight and strive to remain - or regain - control of our lives, heading for certain destruction, when the right answer is to relinquish control to the One who can really handle it? Batman and I finally got it. It's time to let go. Guess what? The bike lined right up, and we're back on the straight and narrow course we started on. Is your bike in a speed wobble? Are you headed for a guaranteed wreck? Let go of the handle bars. Relax. Let God take control.

Promises

I love how God is always so timely. Whether it is a reminder, or a word of encouragement, or a little (much needed sometimes) nudge, He is always right on time. And He always fulfills His promises and does what He said He'll will do... in HIS perfect time. So, in case you are in need of any reminders today too, I thought I'd share our verses for the day and the view we had at one of the kids' soccer games recently. Ah, the ultimate reminder of God's sovereignty, faithfulness and promises.



And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. If you love me, you will obey what I command.

John 14:13-15 NIV

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And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

James 5:15,16 KJV

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And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.

And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.

1 John 3:22,23 KJV

For they will be a people blessed by the LORD, they and their descendants with them. Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.

Isaiah 65:23b,24 NIV

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Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:12,13 NIV

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They will call on My name,
And I will answer them;

I will say,
"They are My people,'

And they will say,
"The LORD is my God.'

Zechariah 13:9 NASB

Our first B&B experience

Let me just say, I should have done this YEARS ago. Done what? you may ask. I should have left generic hotels behind and moved on to the more tranquil pastures of a Bed and Breakfast. Batman indulged me this year, and we stayed at a beautiful B&B while we were in Elmira for our annual excursion on the Toys for Tots ride. Let me just say, it was Heaven. By the time Sunday afternoon rolled around, I had NO interest in leaving. Alas, the real world was beckoning us home, so we bid our goodbyes, but not before reserving "our" room for next year. Yes, it was that wonderful. Tony and Marianne Spycher, owners of Villa Bernese are fantastic hosts. Their house was absolutely charming - pictures do not even begin to do it justice - and the food! Oh, the food. Monday I had to start counting points again. It was that delicious and that plentiful! The down comforter and the complimentary bottle of champagne were added bonuses, but the company of Tony and Marianne and the other guests was by far the best. Batman and I are looking forward to returning next year to celebrate our anniversary again! I've always looked forward to the Toys for Tots ride, but this year I am looking forward to it even more! If you ever get a chance, stop in and visit the Spychers at Villa Bernese. You won't regret it!









More photos can be found here.

The Wait

It seems that all around me my friends are in the midst of the same lesson I am: The Wait. Some of us our throwing ourselves at the feet of God and crying out, "Rescue me!!" Others have a heart's desire and are ready to see if fulfilled NOW, while still others would like to see certain things lined up and doors opened. Different scenarios, but the the same lesson: learning to wait on God's perfect timing and perfect plan. Learning that His ways are much higher and better than our own, and if we could just see it the way He sees it, we would be patient for sure. But that isn't the point of the lesson, is it? Rather, what we need to learn is to patiently wait even though we don't see the big picture. To sit back and trust Him to complete the work in His timing, and know that it will be far more glorifying to Him and perfect when He does it His way rather than ours. So, today I have the following song by John Waller playing on repeat as I go about my day. I wanted to share it with you, my fellow waitees. I'm sorry, you'll have to deal with the lyrics alone. I will not be singing it to you via the blog, for a variety of reasons. Stand strong, dear friends. Wait patiently, and remember that our Abba Father has our best interests at heart, and in the end, it will be perfect and the glory will be all His.

While I'm Waiting
John Waller

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord